Paul turned to the subject of interpersonal relationships to help his son in the faith get along with people effectively and instruct others wisely. What he had written in 1 Timothy 4:11-13 might have led Timothy to understand his mentor to mean that he needed to resort to harsh and overbearing action. Consequently Paul hastened to explain that Timothy should not be abusive in prescribing and teaching these things. This brief section is transitional, connecting with 1 Timothy 4:11-16 in form and concern, and with 1 Timothy 5:3-25 in content. [source][source][source]
"As with an article of clothing, the church has its seams, created naturally by age differences, gender differences, economic differences and so on. These seams, where these various groups come together, often show visible signs of stress. It falls to the Christian leader to cross all these lines from time to time in order to minister effectively. But crossing these lines requires sensitivity and care." [1][source]
One of the greatest failings of people involved in pastoral work is their inability to relate to and work with others effectively. This failure is often traceable to the pastor"s attitude toward others, how he views them. Paul wisely prefaced his specific instructions concerning how to deal with certain leadership needs with fundamental principles designed to facilitate good interpersonal relationships. [source][source][source]
In short, Timothy was to relate to everyone in the church as if they were the members of his own family. Paul had already taught that the local church is a "household" ( 1 Timothy 3:15). Therefore believers, and especially a leader of the church, should treat other Christians accordingly. Timothy should not take an adversarial role with members of the Ephesian church. [source][source][source]
Specifically we should deal with older men respectfully and appeal to them gently rather than rebuking them harshly. Their chronological age, regardless of their spiritual age, is reason enough to approach them humbly rather than arrogantly. [source][source][source]
"Within the Greco-Roman (and Jewish) family, the father was owed complete respect (cf. Sirach 3:12-14)." [2][source]
Of course, we might eventually have to rebuke and even exclude from the fellowship any person who is destroying the church by teaching false doctrine, for example. However even in those cases we should approach older men patiently, as is appropriate when dealing with our fathers. [source][source][source]
"Just as it is difficult for an older person to respect the teaching and leadership of a younger man ( 1 Timothy 4:12), so also it is difficult for a younger man to know how to instruct and correct the older people in the church." [3][source]
The church leader can deal with younger men (i.e, younger than the older men just mentioned) more directly but should always do so as brothers. The pastor should regard younger men not as inferior or superior to himself but as equals. In Timothy"s case these men were his contemporaries. Even an elderly man should think of younger Christian men as his brothers giving them the dignity of equals rather than looking down on them as inferiors. [source][source][source]
We should think of and treat the older women in the congregation as we would our own mothers. This implies giving them special consideration in view of their age and experience. Some pastors tend to neglect the older women because they have difficulty identifying with them or because some of them do not appear to be the more productive members of the congregation. This practice differs from the one Paul urged Timothy to adopt. [source][source][source]
We should regard the younger women as sisters in the Lord and treat them with the purity one would grant his physical sister. Perhaps because it is a temptation for some pastors to love their spiritual sisters too much Paul added "with all purity" ( 1 Timothy 5:2). If a pastor determines to relate to the younger women in his congregation as sisters, he will not do anything to or with them that would harm them in any way. [source][source][source]
"No sort of behavior will so easily make or mar the young preacher as his conduct with young women." [4][source]
Throughout his epistles Paul urged his readers to adopt certain attitudes toward God (to think of Him as Father, Lord, Savior, etc.) and themselves (as saints, ambassadors, sons of God, etc.). These attitudes were crucial for them to hold so they might live properly. The way we think determines how we behave. Here ( 1 Timothy 5:1-2) he taught a particular view toward others in the local church that is essential to success in interpersonal relationships, especially as pastors. [source][source][source]
Prospective Ministers Need Training in Interpersonal CompetenceAt "The Conference on Student Development in Theological Education" in June1985 , Dr. David Schuller of the Association of Theological Schools made the following comments.Of those ministers involuntarily terminated by churches in recent years only6-13percent failed due to professional incompetence. However46 percent were unsatisfactory due to interpersonal incompetence. Of this second group half were too autocratic and half were too passive.Schuller gave nine signs of interpersonal incompetence.1.They did not understand the situation, especially what they personally had done to make the matter worse. (This may identify a failure to listen and observe.)2.They blamed others instead of accepting personal responsibility.3.They did not delegate appropriately.4.They were unable to develop common loyalties with people.5.They were unable to make clear and direct statements or to behave consistently with statements they did make.6.They needed emotional support and approval all the time from everybody.7.They were unable to interpret the present in terms of reality.8.They treated "differentness" as a threat.9.They did not support others emotionally while disagreeing intellectually. [source][source][source]